heartneverbroke

School

Wed, 07 Jun 2006 04:53:21 GMT

I'm 22 years old, and there is a lot going through my head right now. I'm scared that I have to move all the way to LA without my family and friends, and make it on my own. I fear I don't have the intelligence to go on to college sometimes, and I begin to panic. I've never been good in school even since I was little. I was place in special ED when I was in middle school, and they took me out when I was a Freshmen in college. I remember they kept on making me take test to see how slow I was, or what was holding me back. Little did these people know that they were screwing me up for the future. I felt like a lab money having to point at the red square or the purple circle, and sit there for hours while they watched me like an idiot. I’ve been going through testing ever since I was in 3rd grade, and they just stopped my Sophomore year in High school, and put me in regular class. They were shocked to see that I got straight A’s my first year, and so they just cut the umbilical cord on me. They screwed me over for 7 to 8 year making me feel like an idiot, and then just one day they were like okay we were wrong about you.
When I was in 5th I started getting anxiety attacks about school, and they continued up to Sophomore year in college.
I was afraid I was too stupid to do anything, and sometimes I still do. My grades say different, but I feel like I shouldn't understand the material teachers are teaching me because I'm not smart enough. It's been two years now since I haven't had any really bad anxiety attacks, but I'm starting to question myself again. Am I really good enough for USC? Do I really have what it takes to get pass their Dental Hygiene Program? What if I fail?
My parents’ thing I'm crazy because I've taken Organic Chemistry and got a B, Microbiology A, Anatomy A, and a GPA a little over a 3.0. I still feel like I'm not good enough though. I'm scared that my parents’ money would go to waste if I try and fail, or worse what happens if I don't even get into a PROGRAM? It really sucks that my insecurity drives me up the wall sometimes, and my insecurity always leads back to school. I hope once I get my degree that I won't have this problem anymore because I'm really getting sick of worrying if I will ever be done with school.

I almost pissed myself today at work.

Sun, 28 May 2006 02:38:21 GMT

I work at my Father's restaurant, and I had some guy ask me today if our apple juice was freshly squeezed. I tried so hard to keep a straight face, but man he caught me off guard. He was serious too.
Then another guy tells my Dad, "Man! I wish I could have turkey today, but it gives me bad gas." HAHA. The look on my Father's face when the guy said that was priceless. My dad was like, "Ahhhhh! That's no good (In his Greek accent."

Work can be soooo much fun sometimes.

It this weird?

Thu, 20 Apr 2006 19:25:46 GMT

I haven't liked a guy in two years, and it's beginning to scare me. It's not like I can't find anyone because I can it's just my heart is not in it anymore. It's like I'm waiting for something to go wrong, and surly something does. Now since I'm so conditioned to believe it's going to fail I can't get excited over anyone. When I meet someone I'm whatever, and even when I talk to them and they seem interested I could careless. I don't even want to be around people anymore. I keep on canceling on all my friends plans, and just staying home. I just want to be alone, and not do anything. It's to the point when someone makes plans with me I try to figure out a way out of it. I just want to be alone. Do you think there is something wrong with me?